Who Wants to Be An American Idol?

I'm coming out of the A.I. closet.
I watch faithfully every Tuesday night. I call my mom on Wednesdays to find out who got booted off because she lives in an earlier time zone.
After Mandisa was voted off (you're beautiful, sister!) Taylor was my man.
At the first audition he was clapping his hands, stomping his feet, and wailing like a black white man. He even sang "Sing that Funky Music White Boy!" The dude is classic.

Katherine McPhee, on the other hand, is a vapid, goodie two-shoes slut.
She's got a nice voice, and a lucious bod, but the girl is practically a cardboard cut-out. Her attempt to cover Aretha Franklin was fucking horrible.
Simon said Taylor wouldn't make it to the Top 24. The king was wrong, long live the king!Speakin of Simon, nobody cares what Randy or Paula have to say, it's all about Simon. He's so cool. A cold prickly to be sure, but I'd rather hang out with Simon than the other two, not that it's ever going to happen.

Four years ago, American Idol didn't even register on my radar. I heard about that girl who won on the radio, but other than that I couldn't have cared less.
Three years ago, I snobbishly avoided it as a show for teenagers.
Two years ago, I caught a few episodes and was drawn in by the magnificently talented Fantasia.
Last year I caught a few more episodes and sighed with dissapointment as yet another beautiful white girl won.
This year I waited anxiously for the audition episodes to start in January, and delighted in every hideous performance. I could watch audition out-takes for the rest of the year until the new A.I. season starts up.
American Idol is the only show I can watch with my little kids, then still have adult discussions about it with everybody from my little sister to my retired downstairs neighbor to the internet chat rooms.
Everybody watches Idol, and I mean everybody. The only people not watching are those poor souls who have to work on Tuesday evenings, and those hard-core geek/hipsters who distane such pop-foolery.
Weirdly, nobody I know votes.
Not even me. I tried to vote one time but the lines were busy.
Of course I'll be watching the finale tonight. They've got me hooked. I heard that Meatloaf is performing. (?)
(Can you believe that guy chose such a shitty stage name? )