Take My Job, Please

Call centers are really shitty places to work, and I should know because I've worked at several of them.
Yep, I've been a professional customer service rep for 6 or 7 years now.
But here's the irony: I'm not very good at it, in fact, I suck.
Even more ironically, call-centers (thats right, more than one) are begging me to come work for them.
I loathe being on the phone, and have become quite clever in constructing ways to stay off it. Really, it's amazing how much energy I will pour into not doing my job.
When a call starts going really bad my blood pressure rises and all the pranayama (Yogic breathing) on the sub-continent can't help me now.
I mock the caller's ignorance, idiocy, parentage, geographical location, and so on.
I make smart-ass remarks, which always suceed in enraging the customer further; and when the call is finally over I replay everything that was said, and dream up better come-backs.

I'm not good because I couldn't develop a callous around my soul.

My glamourous career in customer service started in college.
I attended school in a beautiful little town where the job scene was not nearly as spectacular as the views.
These were the employment options:
1) On-campus: Oh please, oh please, will you pay me minimum wage to clean up after a bunch of punks away from home for the first time, please? I want to spend my time between classes throwing away used condoms and hosing vomit off the dorm showers.
2) Fast-food: I can't even begin to explain how horribly wrong I am for food service, it's just that bad.
3) The call-center: it seemed to be the least offensive of my options.
Getting hired wasn't a problem. They always needed fresh meat. Turnover was at least 50%. Probably more. Probably alot more.

As of now, I'm still in customer service, but my customers are the same 3 year old and infant every day. They are extremely demanding and I can't hang-up on them, but I certainly prefer their company to those customers at my old job.

And to finally tie my head line and photo into my entry today, if some hard-working, educated Indian nationals want my shitty customer service phone job, they are welcome to it.
I'll even give them good references.